Day 148

March 31, 2020

Overlooking the empty golf course at the Brentwood Country Club. The Santa Monica Mountains peeking in the background. A few clouds moved in later today but otherwise it has been perfect. Took a trip to the grocery store. Here, I was heading back home and decided to take the scenic route. The clouds look so much like water colors.

As mentioned before, there are good days and there are off days. Today started out as an off day but I rallied and going outside, even if it was just for sustenance, really made a difference. I am struggling with the process of coming back inside after being out in the world. It’s different when I just go out for a walk or a run. I haven’t been near people. Haven’t been inside anywhere. Haven’t touched anything. But if I have to bring anything back inside, I get completely freaked out. I have been in denial for some time about the fact that I have started to become a bit of a germaphobe. The current situation has brought these fears into sharp relief. The multiple hand washings, the sanitizing, the scrubbing, and the removing of packaging before things even make it inside the door, takes nearly an hour each time I go to the grocery store. And then I start to get a bit freaked out that I might have touched something and forgot to clean it after so I go back and sanitize the door knobs, light switches, the sink. It’s enough to drive one to the edge. So I am trying to minimize my trips to the store as much as possible. At first I would see them as my chance to be around people and talk to another human in person. Two weeks in, it’s not quite the same. Every day it’s something different. Let’s see what tomorrow will bring.