Day 160

April 12, 2020

Easter Sunday, nearly nine in the morning. The streets were deserted. Churches were closed. No sounds but bird song. I might, quite possibly, have been the only person out at that time. At least in my neighborhood. As I was walking home, after my run, I got to thinking how tough this past week has been; both mentally and emotionally. When we first started this I had a list of projects I was looking forward to tackling. I have managed to complete quite a few bits of the first one, and I am still looking forward to getting to them. But between Tuesday and today, it’s been a real struggle to cope with the physical distancing. There are not enough zoom parties and FaceTime brunches that will make up for being able to spend real time with other people. And while I did get to see two of my friends for a little while, the fear that we were possibly exposing ourselves, or worse each other, was always there. Doing a little dance in the back of my mind, questioning my judgement. Both times began in a very awkward manner since we don’t really know how to greet each other. After a while we sort of settled into somewhat normal behavior, but then as we were saying good bye, that awkward feeling came back. I’ll take the weird, awkward greetings over not seeing them, but the whole thing is so stressful. As I mentioned a little over week ago, I miss so many things and this week it was just so raw and painful. I enjoy my alone time, I truly do. But after twenty-five days, it’s getting extremely difficult to keep a positive mindset about the whole thing. And yes, I do remind myself that this is bigger than any one of us, but sometimes I just need to cry.